Summer Lovin' Had Me a Blast, Summer Lovin' Happened So Fast

Summer. It's the time when you find new loves and rekindle old flames. With all the changes channels make to their line-up of shows, it's hard not to get sucked in. You thought I was talking about something else? It's not love, it's television!


This summer, I found my new love on VH1, with their new show, The Great Debate. It's perfect for the pop-culture junkie, or for anyone who's ever held an opinion, ever. With a structure similar to Best Week Ever, various comedians, D-list stars, and VH1 personalities weigh in on pop-culture issues that you may or may not have ended friendships over. Past debates have included such topics as: Who is the more believable man in drag--Mrs. Doubtfire or Tootsie? Who is the more controversial rapper--Eminem or Snoop Dogg? Which was the crazier toy craze--Cabbage Patch Kids or Elmo? Who stole the show, Urkel or the Fonz? Which is the ultimate prime-time game show--Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune? And, of course, Boxers or Briefs?

In addition to the general debates, there are also two catagories that appear in every episode: Genius or Not? and Insane Debate. Past "Genius or Not?" topics include Kanye West, and the Snuggie, and the best Insane Debate so far has been: If you were stuck on a desert island with the members of the view, who would you eat first?

As soon as the debate is announced, it is nearly impossible to not pick a side, even if you have never heard of either person/thing. You'll find yourself yelling at the screen, and ranting when your views don't match the shows.

The best part of the show is all of the random things the commentators come up with the support their idea. Like when debating who is more badass, Rambo or Rocky, Scott Ian informed us that "With Rambo, you won't even see him and he'll kill you with a raindrop and a leaf."


So The Great Debate is my new love, what is the old flame? Well, since Nickelodeon has added it to their Nick at Nite line-up, it's the sorely missed Malcolm in the Middle.



Why is this show awesome? Come on...it's theme is a They Might Be Giants song, and it won 7 Emmys! But seriously, no character in this show is a "filler" character. Malcolm is a genius trying to survive a dysfunctional family, Reese is ridiculously dumb (and in one episode pretends to have friends), Dewey befriends bugs and inanimate objects, Francis is a lazy troublemaker trying to survive millitary school, Lois is a psychotic control freak, Hal is a neurotic pushover, Craig is the human version of the Simpson's Comic Book Guy and is in love with Lois......I could go on, but I can see this list has gotten too long already.

The next time you get stuck at home, take some time to fall in love with the old and the new.

Babies, Roller Skates, and Rapper's Delight

This could quite possibly be the most interesting ad for the most boring product ever. And I love it.

Baby, it's 3am, I must be lonely

A couple days ago, I went to the midnight premiere of the latest Harry Potter film. The AMC played the film in nine theaters, and they all sold out. But that's not what this post is about.

Because the movie was so long, when I left the theater, it was 3am. I had never been on the roads at that time, so I learned some new things about my neighbors/neighborhood.

Some quick background info: I live in a middle-class, suburban neighborhood, inhabited predominately by white families with younger kids. So when I even saw people on my drive home, you can bet I was surprised. I thought everyone would be asleep.

Driving down a dark street that isn't usually all that busy, I encountered the first sketchball. I didn't see him at first, but when I did, he scared the crap out of me. No, he wasn't misshapen or anything, but he was walking in the road, and I was afraid I was going to hit him. What was this guy doing? There was a sidewalk just a few steps over. I guess walking in the road at 3am isn't that weird*, but he wasn't just going for a stroll. He had his thumb out, and was hitchhiking. It was a somewhat small road in the middle of a subdivision, and it was the middle of the night! Even if it were daylight, I seriously doubt anyone would have picked him up. I mean, it's not like he had any Bud Light.



A few right turns later, I encoutered sketchballs 2 & 3. Actually, I encountered their car first. I drove up to a 4-way stop to see a car in front of me. It looked like it was turning right, as it was partway around the corner, but it had its hazard lights flashing. Confused, I slowly drove around it, peeking inside to see if there was anybody in it. Nope, it was empty. Did someone decide to ditch their car mid-turn? That question was soon answered, because as I rounded the corner, I saw a burned-out looking couple stumble out of a house a couple doors down from the stoplight. Enter, sketchballs 2 & 3. The guy was carrying a big red leather purse and was shirtless, and the girl had the most frazzled hair I've ever seen and wasn't wearing any shoes. Cute.

Finally, I turned onto my street, expecting I might encounter a fourth sketchball. But the coast was clear. I pulled into my driveway and climbed the stairs, ready to sleep (I had to wake up in 4 hours for work). But as soon as my head hit the pillow...I had the hiccups. It must've been karma for not giving sketchball 1 a ride.


*yes, it is weird

"Did you see the non-catch?"

That was the first question my mom asked after the Cardinals/Cubs game last night. Even though the Cards won, and Franklin closed the game effortlessly, the big talking point was Reed Johnson playing off a short-hop as a catch, ending the inning, and ending my chances at getting quarter drinks at Mobil.

Why did he do that? Well, everyone does. Players are taught to always act as if they caught the ball, touched the base, etc. And they can get away with it because there is no instant replay in baseball (except for homerun calls).

But it's not just baseball that could use instant replay. It seems to me that the more instant replay is implemented in sports that need it, the more honest the game becomes, leading to an overall better game.

Some sports don't need replays because the structure of competition leaves no room for cheating (like golf--the ball is in the hole or it's not) or because other methods keep it honest (like swimming--touch pads and weight-sensing starting blocks prevent disputed finishes and false starts).

One of the best examples of how replay or the ability to challenge a call has improved the honesty/sportsmanship is in tennis. When John McEnroe played, every call was a battle, as neither he nor the chair umpire would yield. But how could they? There was no way to prove who was right. But with ShotSpot, or Hawk-eye, it could easily be made clear whether a ball was in or out. And with players allotted a number of challenges, the tantrums seemed to have gone away.

In football, the big arguments seem to arise after the challenges have run out, or when a coach refuses to accept the official decision after a replay. But how often do you see a bench-clearing brawl in football? Not as often as baseball.

What might also help to end the dishonesty in sports during the game (I'm not even going to start with steroids...) is changing the way it is taught.

From an early level, players are taught how to over-exaggerate fouls & sometimes taught to argue for the beneficial call even when they know they are incorrect. In soccer and lacrosse, I was taught to fall dramatically if an opposing player brushed past me, or sometimes even if I was losing control of the ball. In waterpolo, I was shown how to make it look as if an opposing player pushed me underwater (which is not allowed).

What if coaches taught that honesty is the best policy? That it is better to play aggressively when the other team gets a little rough, instead giving an Oscar-worthy injury performance? That playing the game as it was intended to be played is better than winning?

So no more non-catches. If you drop the ball, own up to it.

maybe this is what they really meant by 'Technicolor Sneeze'

While driving around listing to the local pop station on the radio, I noticed that a lot of the songs were just mashed-up versions of other songs. Which got me thinking.

Are there ever new ideas? Or are they just combinations or modifications of older ideas?

If we look at this dilemma from Hegel's perspective, then new ideas are really just a synthesis of old ideas (as Transcendentalism was viewed as a synthesis of Puritanism & the Enlightenment), or as a reaction against old ideas. Hegel believed that when the new ideas were a reaction against old ideas, they were just the opposite. So maybe if the new thoughts were the opposite of the old ones, then they were original.

But wait. According to Georg Christoph Lictenberg, "To do just the opposite is also a form of imitation." So maybe that theory doesn't work.

The Modernists would say that it's impossible to know whether any of your ideas are original or if they came from someone else. So I give up. This has gotten too academic, too quickly.

* * *

So while it's debatable whether or not mash-ups are creative/original/an art, they are definitely a current trend. Back to the radio again. Here's some songs that I can think of that have at least an influence the mash-up (in no particular order)

Right Round -- Flo Rida
S.O.S. -- Rihanna
Sugar -- Flo Rida
Goodbye -- Kristinia DeBarge
Live Your Life -- T.I. & Rihanna
Let's Go -- Trick Daddy
Help -- Lil Wayne

Ice Ice Baby -- Vanilla Ice (oh wait...he claims he didn't borrow that beat from Queen and David Bowie. Right.)


But while many artists sample one song (and usually pay the royalties to use it) and add some of their own material, others solely do mash-ups. One of the most infamous is Danger Mouse's The Grey Album, which is a mash-up of an a cappella version of Jay-Z's The Black Album & samples of instrumentals from The Beatles' White Album. EMI has tried to prevent the album from being released, but you can find it here.

Much lower-fi version of two-artist mash-ups are the millions you can find on youtube. Some are pretty good, like benmusic89's "I Kissed Right Round A Girl" & pyromaster500's "Just Crushcrushcrush." Some, not so good. 12ADDICT's mash-ups are about 50-50, with high points being "I Gotta Closer Feeling" & "Vertibad."

By far, the most elaborate mash-ups I've ever heard are by a guy who calls himself Girl Talk. Each song on his album contains parts of at least ten other songs. It's ridiculous. Even better, to avoid lawsuits, he has made his album Feed The Animals available online (where you can name your own price). One of the best parts of this is just trying to figure out what songs are sampled in each track (if you get stuck, wikipedia lists them out here).

So Danger Mouse, Girl Talk, and the youtubers can mash up music. But what about videos? That's where Eclectic Method comes in. This group from London combines music videos, clips from tv shows, and even bits of popular youtube videos. The interesting part about these guys is that their work seems more like a study of pop culture than simply following the latest trend. It sounds trippy, but it really seems to work.



So is the mash-up vomit, or a masterpiece? Who knows.

You have a talent for causin' things pain Son. Be a dentist.

A few days ago, I took a trip to the dentist, and I realized something. No sane person enjoys going to the dentist.

Once a year, we pay someone to tell us the finer points of brushing our teeth, the importance of flossing, and if we're lucky, to fill in a few cavities. Why? I'm not quite sure. Of course we'd like our teeth to look presentable, but is it really necessary to have braces until every tooth is perfect, or to have our teeth polished with that terrifying little tool?

By far, the part of the dental visit that bothers me the most is dealing with the dental hygienist (who, by the way, does most of the work on your teeth). Without fail, when having my teeth scraped, the hygienist manages to shank my gum, or, on occasion, my lip.

The hygienist also gets to polish the teeth, using an instrument first created by the Nazis for torture, but later adapted into a tooth buffer by filling it with sand. This sand is even flavored, with such choices as Scalding Mint and Cough Medicine Cherry. When this tool is used, the grit builds up in one's mouth, usually on the tongue (intensifying the flavor!). To counteract this, the hygienist uses a small tube to suck every last drop of moisture out of your mouth, uses another tube to put a few drops of water in the mouth to try to rinse the sand out, and then uses the first again to dry the mouth more than before. But not all of the sand ends up on the tongue. Depending upon the individual hygienist's skill, one may be fortunate enough to get sand stuck in the lip, the nose, and if they're dealing with an expert, the eye.

After polishing, the hygienist has one last chance to revel in schadenfreude*: the fluoride rinse. You are given a cup full of a red or blue liquid that might as well be Socrates' poison hemlock. You are asked to drink half, but, unable to "mental measure," you usually end up taking about 3/4. You are then told to swish this for thirty seconds, but instead of letting you see the clock counting down until the end of suffering, it is hidden from your view, making the burn feel eternal. When you take the other "half," there is so little liquid that it's hard to even swish it, so you fake it to keep from having your dental hygiene further critiqued.

After all this, the dentist comes in, looks at your teeth for about two minutes, and if no cavities, you're home free. I thought he was the one with all the years of schooling!

While it doesn't take extra years of schooling to become a hygienist (University of Phoenix now has a program), it does take a certain personality. One important component is enjoying having long conversations with yourself. When the patient's mouth is filled with tools, hands, or a combination of the two, they can't respond to your questions, but there's no need to end the "conversation!" Although talking to yourself may qualify you to work at a dentist's office, even more important is being at least slightly sadistic. Little Shop of Horrors was not far off with the character of Orin Scrivello, DDS. Watching people squirm is part of the job description.

This won't hurt a bit...



*taking pleasure in other people's pain (yes, the German's have a word for it)